where have all the real men gone?

Since I remember I've always been in a relationship. I like it. Never thought it could make me less independent or limit me in any way. 
Even to explain myself to someone ... still find it amazing having someone who's so interested enough that bothers to ask and demands answers. 

I've always been there, working out problems, believing good things don't come easy, waiting and trying to compromise my needs. Because relationship is a hard hard work, isn't it?

So tried so many times. Always ready for commitment. Hoping for this strong, reliable man who doesn't fear to embrace being with ... someone over emotional and occasionally hysterical, torn by PMS, wanting to be loved and lovable = a woman.

I woke up today and got to this inevitable conclusion they don't exist anymore or never have. Someones wild imagination created this image that was just massively copied in female heads.

1. puff 

You are just supposed to start watching some great film and get cosy on the couch. So you're ready waiting for your man who has to roll a joint, smoke it then drink few beers on top of it and fall asleep in 15 min from press-play-moment. Your best underwear doesn't matter, you may as well wear a sack. In fact don't forget to do that. Save laundry.

Add some puff and deduct 50% of brain. 

Whenever any man appeared to be sexy, witty, intelligent and sharp while being stoned???

Not only it kills even the best perfume, it leaves mental side effects like agitation - and isn't it a real man who's supposed to be patient? - and paranoia - he becomes hysterical when politely asked to stop throwing socks behind the TV while sitting on the couch.

Why would anyone not only stink but even decrease their IQ and libido just for the sake of smoke?

2. gambling

With the other one... you try to watch a film in the evening at home after work, after dinner. Everything's lovely. No one is stoned or drunk. Play and sudden sound of shuffling chips make you realise he just pulled out another laptop and started playing poker online while watching a film in between anger explosions whenever there's a bad hand.

Soon you know there are three of us living together; you, him and poker. It starts to be a habit to sit with both of them while eating dinner, talking, drinking coffee in bed in the morning... you wonder how does he manage having shower without it..?

3. Last minute proposal

I knew I seen his face in my dreams many times before... 

that was something! After first dates he switched like schizophrenics who run out of meds. And stayed like this for next two years. Being there but making sure I know he doesn't care. Even after moving in together, visiting parents every week, holiday trips, plans with his family.. still mentioned periodically 'you're my lover not my girlfriend'.
This magic moment last 2 years. Then you're free to decide. To see things the way they are. Chemistry evaporates and when you felt tormented just move on. 
Two days after moving out, just like schizo back on meds again, he appeared outside my dentists, waited for me and proposed...

Always thought engagement ring says; we are so happy together. I love you, can't live without you! Please just stay and die with, before or after me! Or else I will never love again because I always knew You are the One.
but what it really is; Seriously? You're leaving? I'm so scared to be alone so if you weren't bluffing here you are, I beg you stay!

4. erotomaniac

How much sex can you have in one day? if good as much as possible! But how much can he has??? Ladies follow your intuition and when you feel it just check browsing history to find out his hobby; porn chat every morning, every evening, every day, every week, every month. Only the fact he has to be at work protects him from himself. 

Is live video sex and phone sex with others betrayal?
"What you doing baby? Wanking with this tanned lady there on the screen? Ok, so hurry, wash your hands, dinner on the table in five min!"

5. modern headaches and backaches

Three times so far I heard from a man 'I've never been into sex before'.
Let's make it clear. It doesn't mean: Wow! he never enjoyed with anyone. Now he does because he thinks I'm special.
What it really is: I'm surprised I have so much sex at the moment. It's unnatural, not sure if I like it. Let's go back to my other hobbies: puffing, gambling, drinking...

No solution here. Even morning sex is overrated; backaches, stomach pains, tiredness, hangovers, bad mood run in male family.
...unless you go for nr 4.
Choosing the worse evil is the key to happy relationships. 

6. happily ever after...

So you think everything's going to be fine as long as you're honest and clear about what you want in life and if he says 'me too' - and they always do - just to buy some time, you just got yourself unavoidable happy ending. 
Perhaps it's naive but definitively simple:

relationship becomes

or next relationship 

or a family beginning 

both broken, loving or soon to be broken or as many wish forever existing but it's as rare as two together wanting same things in the same time.

If you want to have a family even just to.. not to be found dead after a year time, half eaten by your cat or to have someone to spend Christmas with...
regardless all your reasons, perhaps getting together with a female friend and choosing adoption is a better shot ;)
Time is passing and wrong decisions are costly. 

My favourites are: 

no money (most useful catchphrase)

have to quit puff first

too soon (he's only 38)

ok, I do it but no marriage (isn't then sperm bank more efficient?)

You may think that mentally I'm only ten and that's fine.
If so, is that true;
if you can't get what you like, you like what you get. ?

A bit of Class and Glamour under the Christmas Tree

Christmas is coming! It's time to work on  our self improvement. Especially for those who like to be lazy and mobilize only for a reason. 
Let's go back to the past, to those golden days!

Let's promise ourselves larger dose of glamour - since more is always better than less - and more satisfaction from life.

Especially nowadays when all values disappear with a blink of an eye. Women wander around the streets basically naked, people have sex on the side walk (yes, strange London streets at 4am) and art of casual conversation is dying. 
Maybe the art of any conversation or rather art of thinking vanishes.... 
It just happened I met a girl who's name didn't stick to my brain, unfortunately, who got this strange need to talk to me. She approached me with a question:
- How do you do your hair?
I didn't have time, willingness and found it boring but still I answered.
- Your hair is so damaged, it looks so bad, no shine at all. I !!! take care of my hair very much that's why it's so nice besides I don't want to become bald. It will fall out.
And she disappeared.

Perhaps it's my environment or could it be me?
If yes, could it be 'Dave' my workmate? Random guy asked him: 
- Are you Dave? 
- No, I'm not. 
- Are you sure? You look just like Dave. 
- Who is Dave anyway?
- You know; this fat guy.

However now when I think of it... I had (I'd like to emphasize Had) a friend, lady G., who as my guest, under my roof, using my electricity and hospitality practised the same art of conversation. Once, during London trip day, she asked me.. 
-So, what kind of perfumes do you use?
After very detailed pictured I built for her including Where, How much and Why I love so much Agent Provocateur she just simply replied:
- Because you smell like an old lady.

I've been thinking about myself What do I do wrong? Am I not aggressive enough? too patient? ...or really...?
But then if you've ever experienced such thing and have doubts just look at this persons life:
depression, failure, complexes or - simple explanations always work - stupidity. I admit it warms me up from inside and brings sentimental memories from Denmark that is living it's own life fortunately without me and ... I smile.
I know, it all starts with parents, so how can you blame them.
Let's promise ourselves (hopefully - They will do as well) something no one can buy or receive; 

more Class for next year.

Savoir vivre is French and means living a good life while staying elegant and smart. (noun)

And let's remember - the art of saying Get lost is as well important.

Advanced Style

I should definitively hang out with these ladies !!!

Advanced Style

Debra

Tziporah

1. "You have to get dressed every day so you may as well get dress Well. It's like eating."


3. Pay attention to details: earrings + hat + shoes
I'm not really into jewellery but I feel stronger and stronger temptation towards large vintage brooches...and of course I love my pearls and swarovski.


4. It is true! You'll get a lot of fans. People come to me as well, they have a need to tell me how much they like the way I look and they smile. It is a "loop of love".


5. Collect, be patient and have a vision. "7 years my outfit took." There are things I don't know yet how to put together or seem to be incomplete but eventually it will happen.
"I have things in my closet, that even I wouldn't wear!" Beth Rudin DeWoody.


6. Show off the outfit !!! Biking is a great deal. I used to have vintage inspired red large bike with wattle basket but since in UK bike roads simply don't exist I had to sell it.
I am considering fold-up bike but I can't stand the idea of small wheels.
It is surprising how many people will show you their interest.


And a helmet... I don't even have one neither. It would totally destroy my hairstyle.

7. It is like a painting. I can't think about different approach. 


8. Never fallow fashion rules. How is it that a bunch of people says they know better what and how you should dress and possibly forbid you things you love or look good in?


9. "They think it's crazy." They will really do think you're a complete nut or even feel offended even though there'll be no nudity. "Do we care?" Who cares? "Harmony" is the state you gain when you're simply yourself and being by yourself in your own company is never waisted time.

10. "You're never over the top." "More is not enough." 
Yes. Why do we need minimalism if surfeit is enough ?


11. "...for hanging around at home? What the heck! I have a good time."
and here I started to think about my unhealthy addiction: house gowns, peignoirs and housecoats that took over my whole wardrobe.
Look good at home with yourself. 

12. "No one tells us what to do any more." Well my aunt recently informed me: "I'm not sure I like your style..." sounds dangerous.
"Who's going to tell me I look inappropriate? 
I don't care.
I can do whatever I want.
I'm not inappropriate.
I'm not stripping.
I'm not embarrassing anyone.
I'm just being myself."
Don't pay attention to what others say or think. Who said they have monopoly for what's right, what's wrong?


13. Experiment. I'm using one buttoned dress as a summer coat, three dresses with removed lining as nightgowns and black leather wedge shoes with oversized ribbon as slippers.

14. Buy and wear hats !!! "The only romantic thing left in life is a Hat."

Mimi Weddell

My Pet - 'treat your husband as a dog'

Average man receives much less affection and care than a pet.

If a Man Answers 1962.

I got so inspired by Sandra Dee look in this movie, which came like salvation since I'm quite tired of my hairstyle. It still needs improvement but couldn't be so bad if my course mate had an urge to get this photo.

Too flat, asks for back-combing and something more ...

Fallowing the movie:
If you want a perfect marriage treat your husband as a dog. Makes sense.
- Ignore the fact that Bobby Darin woke up one day, supposedly, and decided to divorce Sandra Dee. -
Pet him, stroke him. When I do it frequently but in small dozes he's always happy. It seems then he's not talking but starts even singing ..
Never loose your temper with a pet!!! I should write it in some visible place and practise concentration with relaxation in dramatic moments. It definitively puts an end to all arguments. However my aunt has a theory that big dogs just have to be overpowered physically. Just have a brutal fight, once and forever which will establish who the winner is.
If a pet doesn't want to fallow, just let him in the start. Later on when he's happy on his track just try to point him suddenly but firmly to your desired direction. I do have to try it harder. Usually when I say 'let's go there!' cross-grained he really objects and usually stays for next couple of hours in the same place. But if I ask 'so what do you want to do today?', there's a long list of ideas. Then it's not difficult to push him aside. A bit distracted maybe will even be satisfied.
Praise him all the time. Every single the most simple action. Like taking trash out, hoovering, washing dishes... eventually he will throw himself rapidly on everything he thinks he's good at. Yes, I recommend. Truly works.


I would definitively put to this guide:
Have some secrets.
Don't share the bathroom in the same time...unless you're having a bath.
Never tell true prices you paid.
Admit only to 1/4 or less shopping you did.
Always say that the thing you're wearing is so old and how could he missed that! - If you're asked.
Never underline you're going to a hairdresser or beautician. Even if you mention he'll never remember and will think you don't really need so much assistance. (I so fail in this matter)


Getting to basics:
Always wear sexy lingerie.
Wear black stockings...or at least stockings...
Sleep in alluring nighties. I, personally, sleep in extra, over the top alluring nightdresses to counterbalance use of teeth protector, I have to use because of bruxism, and pin curls.
Find out your the most beautiful version of I-feel-ugly-and-do-nothing-about-it instead of being seriously shredded. 
Don't argue too much but in the end in silence always do your stuff, be true to yourself above all.
Trust only yourself.
Always be independent. 

And if it doesn't work...fallow the movie and find yourself a lover, at least imaginary one. 

Rising taste of women squeezed in size 0

Recently I received an email from a clothing company with a very straightforward name : RisingTaste. In this email there was a proposal to write about them and get a chance of receiving a coupon worth 10 - 500 USD depending on traffic connected to my blog. 
I have never heard or seen anything related to Rising Taste. But as often happens, names like Rising - Taste, which are suppose to assure that there Is The Taste and it's just Rising now, so in the end  'it will Rise!' and conquer the market, arouse anxiety. 
It did inspire me to protest against mass production!
If it's about the Value, Quality and Intelligence we - The World - are sadly again in Middle Ages where verything is Made in China.

Many designers sell their pieces for crazy prices however it's only made from polyester. That reminds me my huge disappointment with Ivan Grundahl, surprise surprise Danish designer, and his signature labels : 100% PE. So if you like the design, buy it and wear it and sweat like-my-friends-aunt-Alina. 
All rising tastes of H&M style companies are based on mass production and profit only. They carefully produce clothes that fall apart in a certain time, let's say... a year ? Is that enough to make you buy again and replace this what now reminds a piece of washed out rag ? No? I'm sure 6 months will do as well. 
It's hard to imagine that 60 years from now, someone will pay a fortune for a vintage piece of H&M sweater produced in 2000.
I admit I do have some H&M negligee carefully chosen and made of lace, cotton scarves and ... Amazing vintage top produced in Portugal!

But it's only a small percentage which accidentally appeared in my closet. These things are too expensive for their value and undurable. 
How is it possible that 60 years old dresses often look like brand new? That Russian hair remover from 1970 can still reap in a way that Silk - epil Dual never did and never will?
Take even buildings. The old ones, and I mean Oooold ones, are still standing, but the new ones...well...they are under warranty. 
So as we are Here and Now, usually just following the masses - here you have all beautiful curvy ladies in size 16 squeezed in clothes size 8 - the point is to take for consideration:

'Do I look good in this porno chick style which is proposed everywhere I go?'

'Do I take a chance to be mistaken by a man, hooker or 
retarded Lolita-20years-later?'

and ask the key question: 

'What To Choose?'

I recommend to hang a mirror on the door, to see own reflection just before stepping out. 

'Go home take a paper bag and cut some eye holes out of it. Put it over your head, get undressed and look at yourself in the mirror. Really evaluate what your strengths and weaknesses are.

And be honest.' 

For Goodness Sake! Women! Be Honest!

Mr G. on the wedding

You have to be really naive and limited to think that what you wear is meaningless and unimportant. Clothes that we choose every day send  a message. Everything you do or think is right there displayed to others. Nr.1 They'll judge you by the look.

If you wear tight white trousers with sticking out or just seen through g string, even with extra glimmering gadgets that you think is glamorous, together with tiny pink top – even fallowing the rule max. 2 colours -  people most likely will take you as a hooker. If you add tanned/ burnt face, pink lipstick  and long nails, with flowers and rhinestones, so long that make you disabled, surely they’ll think so. It occurred to me recently that most of these girls don’t have hooker – wanna – be – look target.

What we wear is as important as what colour we wear. What coloristic type are we? 

In contrasts you can easily disappear if your natural shades are rather pale or pastels. 

Don’t wear white shoes! Unless you’re Tyra Banks or Naomi. (If you do search http://www.bialekozaczki.pl/ perhaps you’re there already.)

Of course gadgets! glasses make you look smart – that’s obvious. Long, hanging woollen bag gives you hippie touch. Clutch bag makes you more acceptable if you’re dresses up as 100% granny. The most important is to be aware of making a decision.

Mr G.

My boyfriend’s best friend…let’s say Mr G. - he has some requirements about his name spelling, something with s or z in the end so I'll make it short. 

So mr. G appeared on his friend’s wedding looking like a homeless. It is his general daily and the only style that suppose to express his ignorance and ‘I’m over this and that and everything’ posture. But when he celebrated that day in his common outfit he interpreted this as ‘they want me to feel comfortable – Of course!’.

Of course! During their wedding there’s no point to show a bit of respect. There’s no point to put any effort to give a bow to their preparation, celebration and all event which was supposed to be not the ordinary one…at least for them. 

Not for Mr G. 

Mr G. got confused. He thought this wedding day is actually celebration of Him!

He performed in washed and asymmetrically stretched T-shirt, in probably more than used and reused jeans longer than himself – in the end he collected with his trouser legs all dirt, mud and everything you can imagine to meet on the sidewalk – extremely hairy which gave him a look of unwashed and on top of it – just like a last touch of lipstick – 5m long hand made (badly hand made) looking scarf. Everything in these washed-out yellowish, greenish, reggae colours, not really flattering in Mr G's case. This way he decided to celebrate the wedding of him and himself.

I only regret he didn’t get the solo dance – before the married couple did - with trolley filled up with plastic bottles and pieces of used newspapers.

Yes! to Art. No! to Mr G.

If you wish to be extravagant … be! But don’t mix up extravagance with Mr G.

Mr G desperately asks for attention and like megalomaniac guru is looking for blind sheeps praising him in unquestionable love. He doesn’t deal with disapprovals and objections. That’s why Mr G may sound extravagant but in reality he’s hiding himself in the crowd everyday all day. Sticking out his nose only when he feels he’s admired. You can see it when you look at him. He objects any traditional form but have no guts to replace it with anything else. He becomes just a small clone of someone who stands next to him.

It might be tempting... to fallow his steps. As every guru of any sect he will force his ideas on you. He believes he's the absolute power and knowledge. You might feel like breaking. In the end everyone - even Mr G. wants to be accepted...somehow.

Extravagance and glamour will go only with brains. 

Think! Before you leave the house. 

Think! Before you appear on someone’s wedding.

Put pieces of your character in your clothes. It’s not war time, everything is available in every price range. Look around and take a second to compare yourself to others. You’re different - obviously - so why not to accent it. Wisely.

"Boredom is the biggest disease on the world."

Yes! to extravagance and glamour.

No! to Mr G.

Ladylike Lady

I came back from my travels more tired and dashed than I expected. 
As I haven't lost my faith in people completely - there are still few who make me think 'no, it's not the end yet'  - I realised there is less and less ladylike behaviour. 
I give a lot of credit to men because Who knows in the end what do they really mean...
But women I can mark...I was born with the license to do so.

No one is perfect that's why Christian Dior tried to save us from nature and we can try to save ourselves from boorishness.

- Cosmetics are precious for every woman (almost every ?) so No, we just don't use them or touch them. Unless we ask.

- Let's not underestimate power of casual conversation. That's much better than choosing to focus attention on your problems only or vulgar ignorance. 
'The World's belly button' syndrome is So Not elegant.

 - If you decide to stab someone in the back, please, don't do it in the living room with audience because blood is splashed everywhere and these stains are hardly ever removable.
Have enough brains to put white gloves on.

- Build your self-esteem. 
It helps not to offer yourself to every, even engaged man. That is So Not classy. 
And don't hit the bottom by stalking a guy who simply doesn't want you. Especially if he's with someone else. 
Otherwise for the question : Am I really hopeless and not good enough ???
Answer yourself : Yes...

- If you decide to let someone down, loose trust, turn the words, situations against someone, 
have in your mind That was the last time. For everyone's goodness say goodbye and move on. Alone. 
Because fixing requires more class and skills than understanding the first sentence.

- If you really have to show your bottom and constantly degrade your man by the dinner table with your guests...
slap yourself in the face and hide under the table. Please remain there until you apologise you were born as a woman.

- Self - assertion helps not to become a problem to others. 
Write it on your mirror with a lipstick. (if you use one)
Later on when someone asks you a favour:
say No and make less trouble
or say Yes, if you mean it, and do it effectively with a smile on your face.

- Don't play stupid. 
If something has happened it happened! 
You should always clean up after your mess.

- If you don't know what to say... well, it's hard to deal with own stupidity...
Stay Quiet.
Instead of f.ex.:
'Where is a beauty store? I wanted to buy a lip balm. But not the one that you have. Yours is sooo non-hygienic.' + disgust on your face.

- Never and ever do so or try to ignore The Lady of the House. If you've ever done that, once or more, stop reading that! There's no help for you anyway.
Do the World a favour and change your friends, job, yourself... change the planet!

- Notice that if strange injustice happens to you all the time, perhaps it has nothing to do with unfairness. Only twice it can be an accident.
Later on I propose to look in a mirror and say:
'Thank you. I did it to myself.'

I need to look at my tired face in a mirror and unfortunately I have to say  'Thank you for this all unpleasant experience again.' It happens I'm too exhausted to give a second, third or fifth chance and I need to say Goodbye forever.
As the old proverb says:

'If you play with excrements, you can get dirty'

No one is perfect. Not even real Elvgren's pin up girls. 
I try to improve myself everyday and learn from my own mistakes. That's why I'll never walk close to the pavement edge again when it's raining.