What I read about Ava Gardner

As I am reading Ava Gardner's biography I get more and more disappointed. There's been once Miss O. I used to know, lots of fun and only fun. Everything was there! Except flexibility and reliability. 
I think of her when I read about Ava Gardner.
Everyone who knew her say she was the most amazing beauty ever seen and so cute and sweet person and everyone say her dark side dominated.
She did come from very religious family. She was not allowed to date anybody and her mother got aggressive spazm while thinking what could her daughter do with boys. So she grew up thinking that sex is nothing but forbidden and bad. 
It was enough for her to taste it while her first marriage to use it as often as possible and with anyone.
She has led depraved and hedonistic life all along. Never experienced effects of war or anything worse than her parents death.
She did enjoy romances with married men and with children. It never even made her wonder if it's right. Basically every single movie partner became her lover. No matter if she herself has been in relationship or not, even with her everlasting love Frank Sinatra. During Sinatra times she still had many others. When finally she got pregnant with Frank - however some say it had to be a member of African team on Mogambo set - she decided abortion is the way. Who knows how many more she actually had.
Man who became her desire or simply just a need had to be conquered even if he was with his partner or not only but even mother of his kids. Usually she got whom she wanted.
She had led a life of drinking, dancing, spending money and fulfilling her basic needs.
She never diet or exercised and was considered to be lazy. She always drunk spirit, slept the day, had whole night parties. This lifestyle got her to the point when in the age of 40 she was a mess. She became better actress but during Iguana you can see how much older and shapeless she looks - much older than her age.
Her lifestyle pushed away plenty of people from her. Some public places also refused to host her, f.ex. Ritz after she urinated in the main hall near reception. Ava had no shame neither by forcing The Ritz from time to time to let her in and after failure she only could get a drink outside the building.
She loved to gather gypsies and entertain the whole night abusing her friends parties or everyday evening - night bringing in hordes of strangers. Perhaps she had a class... maybe in first years of her career simply because she felt intimidated - small girl from the village without education in the big world.
Her features like honesty, being funny, quick and supposedly bright stayed forever. Just like vulgarity.
She had to be fun but as every stimulant in a bit bigger dose she became a poison.
Everything she did was backed up by her stupidity... not only men she chose but even wild behaviour after getting drunk when she jumped on the bull in Spain and obviously felt crashing her cheek. For months she refused to be seen in public. Finally she had a surgery that left her with minor scar and sick obsession that she's being photographed! An actress! Many times many days photoshot had to be stopped because she suspected someone may take a photo of her. In her late years she became pure diva; special hotel room, facilities, food, alcohol, special costumes, never on time, never prepared and so on...
She became very lonely, desperate woman, ex-sex symbol, suddenly without power over men which was autodestructive since she treated sex as a physiological need.
And all this blew unrestrained animal behaviour -she never had to worry about anything else- had a chance to exist just because someone thought 'she looks beautiful'. Her wooden acting put her at first on a shelf of hollywood for many many long years but provided luxurious lifestyle.
Perhaps litres of Tequila and Gin and shameless life made her a better actress, but definitively she needed 40 years to achieve this and 67 to die exhausted by drinking and smoking.

Some things are better to be kept unsaid so the Myth goes on.

As I look at this photo of her and bags under her eyes I see mine... or you're having fun drinking and partying or you work, it makes you wasted all the same.

Perhaps blonde -and 'angry' uniform- makes this tiredness brighter and smoother. New blonde so hated by my boyfriend that it took out one day from our lifes. But it made me wonder... why no one never told me that I can just tint my hair blonde instead of bleaching it and destroying so much more...