where have all the real men gone?

Since I remember I've always been in a relationship. I like it. Never thought it could make me less independent or limit me in any way. 
Even to explain myself to someone ... still find it amazing having someone who's so interested enough that bothers to ask and demands answers. 

I've always been there, working out problems, believing good things don't come easy, waiting and trying to compromise my needs. Because relationship is a hard hard work, isn't it?

So tried so many times. Always ready for commitment. Hoping for this strong, reliable man who doesn't fear to embrace being with ... someone over emotional and occasionally hysterical, torn by PMS, wanting to be loved and lovable = a woman.

I woke up today and got to this inevitable conclusion they don't exist anymore or never have. Someones wild imagination created this image that was just massively copied in female heads.

1. puff 

You are just supposed to start watching some great film and get cosy on the couch. So you're ready waiting for your man who has to roll a joint, smoke it then drink few beers on top of it and fall asleep in 15 min from press-play-moment. Your best underwear doesn't matter, you may as well wear a sack. In fact don't forget to do that. Save laundry.

Add some puff and deduct 50% of brain. 

Whenever any man appeared to be sexy, witty, intelligent and sharp while being stoned???

Not only it kills even the best perfume, it leaves mental side effects like agitation - and isn't it a real man who's supposed to be patient? - and paranoia - he becomes hysterical when politely asked to stop throwing socks behind the TV while sitting on the couch.

Why would anyone not only stink but even decrease their IQ and libido just for the sake of smoke?

2. gambling

With the other one... you try to watch a film in the evening at home after work, after dinner. Everything's lovely. No one is stoned or drunk. Play and sudden sound of shuffling chips make you realise he just pulled out another laptop and started playing poker online while watching a film in between anger explosions whenever there's a bad hand.

Soon you know there are three of us living together; you, him and poker. It starts to be a habit to sit with both of them while eating dinner, talking, drinking coffee in bed in the morning... you wonder how does he manage having shower without it..?

3. Last minute proposal

I knew I seen his face in my dreams many times before... 

that was something! After first dates he switched like schizophrenics who run out of meds. And stayed like this for next two years. Being there but making sure I know he doesn't care. Even after moving in together, visiting parents every week, holiday trips, plans with his family.. still mentioned periodically 'you're my lover not my girlfriend'.
This magic moment last 2 years. Then you're free to decide. To see things the way they are. Chemistry evaporates and when you felt tormented just move on. 
Two days after moving out, just like schizo back on meds again, he appeared outside my dentists, waited for me and proposed...

Always thought engagement ring says; we are so happy together. I love you, can't live without you! Please just stay and die with, before or after me! Or else I will never love again because I always knew You are the One.
but what it really is; Seriously? You're leaving? I'm so scared to be alone so if you weren't bluffing here you are, I beg you stay!

4. erotomaniac

How much sex can you have in one day? if good as much as possible! But how much can he has??? Ladies follow your intuition and when you feel it just check browsing history to find out his hobby; porn chat every morning, every evening, every day, every week, every month. Only the fact he has to be at work protects him from himself. 

Is live video sex and phone sex with others betrayal?
"What you doing baby? Wanking with this tanned lady there on the screen? Ok, so hurry, wash your hands, dinner on the table in five min!"

5. modern headaches and backaches

Three times so far I heard from a man 'I've never been into sex before'.
Let's make it clear. It doesn't mean: Wow! he never enjoyed with anyone. Now he does because he thinks I'm special.
What it really is: I'm surprised I have so much sex at the moment. It's unnatural, not sure if I like it. Let's go back to my other hobbies: puffing, gambling, drinking...

No solution here. Even morning sex is overrated; backaches, stomach pains, tiredness, hangovers, bad mood run in male family.
...unless you go for nr 4.
Choosing the worse evil is the key to happy relationships. 

6. happily ever after...

So you think everything's going to be fine as long as you're honest and clear about what you want in life and if he says 'me too' - and they always do - just to buy some time, you just got yourself unavoidable happy ending. 
Perhaps it's naive but definitively simple:

relationship becomes

or next relationship 

or a family beginning 

both broken, loving or soon to be broken or as many wish forever existing but it's as rare as two together wanting same things in the same time.

If you want to have a family even just to.. not to be found dead after a year time, half eaten by your cat or to have someone to spend Christmas with...
regardless all your reasons, perhaps getting together with a female friend and choosing adoption is a better shot ;)
Time is passing and wrong decisions are costly. 

My favourites are: 

no money (most useful catchphrase)

have to quit puff first

too soon (he's only 38)

ok, I do it but no marriage (isn't then sperm bank more efficient?)

You may think that mentally I'm only ten and that's fine.
If so, is that true;
if you can't get what you like, you like what you get. ?

Mr G. on the wedding

You have to be really naive and limited to think that what you wear is meaningless and unimportant. Clothes that we choose every day send  a message. Everything you do or think is right there displayed to others. Nr.1 They'll judge you by the look.

If you wear tight white trousers with sticking out or just seen through g string, even with extra glimmering gadgets that you think is glamorous, together with tiny pink top – even fallowing the rule max. 2 colours -  people most likely will take you as a hooker. If you add tanned/ burnt face, pink lipstick  and long nails, with flowers and rhinestones, so long that make you disabled, surely they’ll think so. It occurred to me recently that most of these girls don’t have hooker – wanna – be – look target.

What we wear is as important as what colour we wear. What coloristic type are we? 

In contrasts you can easily disappear if your natural shades are rather pale or pastels. 

Don’t wear white shoes! Unless you’re Tyra Banks or Naomi. (If you do search http://www.bialekozaczki.pl/ perhaps you’re there already.)

Of course gadgets! glasses make you look smart – that’s obvious. Long, hanging woollen bag gives you hippie touch. Clutch bag makes you more acceptable if you’re dresses up as 100% granny. The most important is to be aware of making a decision.

Mr G.

My boyfriend’s best friend…let’s say Mr G. - he has some requirements about his name spelling, something with s or z in the end so I'll make it short. 

So mr. G appeared on his friend’s wedding looking like a homeless. It is his general daily and the only style that suppose to express his ignorance and ‘I’m over this and that and everything’ posture. But when he celebrated that day in his common outfit he interpreted this as ‘they want me to feel comfortable – Of course!’.

Of course! During their wedding there’s no point to show a bit of respect. There’s no point to put any effort to give a bow to their preparation, celebration and all event which was supposed to be not the ordinary one…at least for them. 

Not for Mr G. 

Mr G. got confused. He thought this wedding day is actually celebration of Him!

He performed in washed and asymmetrically stretched T-shirt, in probably more than used and reused jeans longer than himself – in the end he collected with his trouser legs all dirt, mud and everything you can imagine to meet on the sidewalk – extremely hairy which gave him a look of unwashed and on top of it – just like a last touch of lipstick – 5m long hand made (badly hand made) looking scarf. Everything in these washed-out yellowish, greenish, reggae colours, not really flattering in Mr G's case. This way he decided to celebrate the wedding of him and himself.

I only regret he didn’t get the solo dance – before the married couple did - with trolley filled up with plastic bottles and pieces of used newspapers.

Yes! to Art. No! to Mr G.

If you wish to be extravagant … be! But don’t mix up extravagance with Mr G.

Mr G desperately asks for attention and like megalomaniac guru is looking for blind sheeps praising him in unquestionable love. He doesn’t deal with disapprovals and objections. That’s why Mr G may sound extravagant but in reality he’s hiding himself in the crowd everyday all day. Sticking out his nose only when he feels he’s admired. You can see it when you look at him. He objects any traditional form but have no guts to replace it with anything else. He becomes just a small clone of someone who stands next to him.

It might be tempting... to fallow his steps. As every guru of any sect he will force his ideas on you. He believes he's the absolute power and knowledge. You might feel like breaking. In the end everyone - even Mr G. wants to be accepted...somehow.

Extravagance and glamour will go only with brains. 

Think! Before you leave the house. 

Think! Before you appear on someone’s wedding.

Put pieces of your character in your clothes. It’s not war time, everything is available in every price range. Look around and take a second to compare yourself to others. You’re different - obviously - so why not to accent it. Wisely.

"Boredom is the biggest disease on the world."

Yes! to extravagance and glamour.

No! to Mr G.

glamorous men?

It was such a nice day. Even here, when sun is shining the world is beautiful.

Postman woke me up and handed to me Monsoon dress I just won on eBay.

100% silk for 17 GBP.

After brief inspection it appeared it's quite good. Just like described... it's just that... 

I'm even too embarrassed to know what I really think.

I found some small tiny dry pieces of something similar to food stuck to this glorious silk fabric on the bottom of the dress. And huge -in my point of view- brownish stains.

It's not so so so visible because this layer is transparent. But it's there!

...and now, I don't know what to do...

I informed seller that it's slightly disgusting and I really have no idea what's next.

As I began imagining where she was, what she did, terrible thought came to my head...

is it ... vomit?

I had to leave and get my thoughts together. So I went jogging. 

Accidentally I've found in the library Things I wish my mother had told me

by Lucia Van Der Post.

And as I was thinking about this book and people with their sense of glamour I promised myself I will never get lost on my way. 

f.ex. I will never sell or give away any of my clothes with suspicious secretion on it.

I believe it's not only about looks:

There are no ugly women, only lazy ones.

H. Rubinstein

So what about Men? ...those who weren't born with It. 

Already happened to me that:
- acquaintance of mine asked me to launder his underwear,
torn in million places similar to my floor rag which I simply throw out in this condition,
by giving me this to my hand
- working only with men I've found many times Jackson Pollock in the toilet
(in case you're not familiar Jackson Pollock Gallery)
- I had to pour extra perfume portion on me to survive a hot summer day at work surrounded by my male colleagues
- some of my Charleston partners insist on eating garlic bread and onion salad just before dancing lesson ...and look sentence up
- in a small group one of my male companions had a habit to take off his outer clothes and stay only in his underwear to feel comfortable
- men invited to my place for a dinner used to walk around with their own wine bottle like with the best friend and take care only of their own glass

I heard couple of times women saying that a man can be ugly like a pig and saute, just the way Mother Nature created them, as long as they're interested.

Well...handling only Two Major sides: Inner side and Outer side Can not be so difficult !!

But neither have I ever understood Why you can't combine Glamour with Brains.

Lucia van der Post

So let's be Jackson Pollock HERE, but never in real life !!!